A monster and a drug for Esoteric Enterprises

The Consumer

The Consumer is “something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It’s covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth… no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote.” (William Gibson)

When the Consumer points its universal control at you, save against machines or roll a d12 and suffer one of the next effects.

Roll 1d12

  1. Make a new character, randomize it as much as possible. Your actual character no longer exists. But you keep your identity and equipment. Those who didn’t witness your transmogrification will never really believe that you are who you claim to be.
  2. “Every thought that advances through the greased tunnels of my brain carries with it its own hungry negation.” (Michael Gira). Mechanically, swap Intelligence and Wisdom. Also, lose your next action.
  3. Reverse your stats (3 becomes 18, 4 becomes 17, &c. 1 or 2 become 18, though.)
  4. You are teleported to a previous location, (randomly?) determined by your referee.
  5. Your sex is randomly changed. Re-roll your Charisma and Constitution to further represent the change.
  6. Roll a die: An odd result means you lose a permanente point of Grit; an even result means you lose a permanent point of Flesh.
  7. All further saves against machines you make, are rolled at -1.
  8. You are turned off. All your rolls for the rest of the day are made with a penalization of -1 or -2 (your referee will tell you which each time).
  9. You remain motionless, like a paused VHS tape, for 1d4 rounds.
  10. When you make an attack, roll twice and use the worse result; if you fail the attack, it was simply because you glitched back a few steps and attacked the air.
  11. Roll 1d16* and compare your result with Shocking Wounds (p. 45).
  12. Your memory is erased, replaced by a centipede’s. Your referee will explain this to you.

*Roll 1d8 and 1d6. If the d6 gives an even result, add 8 to the result on the d8.

All other stats are not important, come up with something, it can be a fat man who trolls people via Twitter or perhaps and old lady with cats.

Black Coca

Sold in every corner and every Walmart in the city, when this product by the Black Coke Company is inhaled, you acquire the spook power Creature of the Night (p. 64) for the next 8 hours. After the effect ends, make a save against poison or lose 1 permanent point of Flesh and suffer 1d4 Flesh damage from your new total.

Undead creatures who inhale black coca acquire the power permanently and are immune to Flesh poisoning.

This blog entry was sponsored by The Incubus Club. This blog entry was not sponsored by Esoteric Enterprises but you should get it anyway because it’s goddamn good!

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